I realize how utterly terrible I’ve been at updating my journal. In all reality, it’s been work, school, and Crisis Core (although the latter has seen very little action for a few days) without end. I’ve kind of hit a slump where I’m perfectly content doing absolutely nothing, holed up in front of the computer or on the couch next to Sébastien.

I’ve been thinking more and more recently about where our relationship is progressing. Sébastien and I have been talking about how routine we’ve been recently. I love the fact that we’re settled and stable, but I think Sébastien wants something more spontaneous in our relationship, which makes me wonder if he’s getting bored.

But if I ask him if he’s bored and he says no. So I’m kind of at a loss as to what he wants, which scares me greatly. I like to think that I’ve always known what he’s wanted in terms of our relationship but now I’m not so sure, which ultimately makes me nervous.

But besides that, everything is quite well. Ever since I got my tongue pierced, Sébastien has not been able to stop implying what he wants me to do with it. Haha!

Sometimes he gets so carried away, he forgets it’s attached to my fricken tongue, that silly puppy. Well at least we know that we’re still very sexually attracted to each other. So not everything can be that bad, huh?

In terms of muses, this song by Madonna and Justin Timberlake titled “4 Minutes” has me completely addicted. I’ve been playing it on loop forever now. I’m strange like that, I listen to the same shit over and over and never get bored.

Another muse is that yummy Zack Fair from Crisis Core. Sébastien think’s it’s ridiculous how I’m so addicted to a game, and find the persona of a video game character attractive. The ironic thing is that he doesn’t realize that his persona is quite similar to Zack’s in many ways. Zero attention span, constant flirt, always on the go, moving, breathing, being so alive. My little adorable puppy, sometimes I wonder why Sébastien likes me at all, haha.

I reserved my copy of Crisis Core today... and I don't even own a PSP. I have to BUY a PSP just so I can play Crisis Core.

... My ZackxCloud addiction. Wait.. my FF7 addiction in the long run will ruin me.

XD

So Valentines Day was amazing.

As soon as I woke up, he slipped this amazing ring on my finger. It’s absolutely beautiful. I don’t think I’ll ever want to take it off. It’s more special because he bought a ring that matches it for himself, so now we have matching couple rings. Shortly after slipping the rings on each other, we had the most intimate and frustratingly slow sex session that we’ve ever had. I seriously wanted to crawl in bed and die after that.

But we didn’t go back to bed, I made him breakfast that was a bit more refined then the usual (although I didn’t do as great on the eggs benedict as I hoped I would). After eating, we took a shower together and got dressed to go out.

He took me to this place in China town were you can paint and make your own mugs. It was so cool. I made one for Sébastien and he made one for me.

After that, we went horseback riding at Red Rock for around two hours before heading back home to change, which ultimately led to sex session number two. We both decided to take a quick nap, after that, and slept for about an hour before we got up and decided to go to Starbucks for a quick chat meet with a bunch of friends.

We talked and hung out for a while and all had lunch together at this Korean restaurant called DJK. After a rather heavily lunch, the two of us headed to the Bellagio where Sébastien had booked the two of us in for a late afternoon spa treatment.

Let me tell you about heaven on earth, I mean seriously, it was way over the top. We spent a large portion of our time there. Then we had dinner at this place called Olives at Bellagio and we had such amazing Italian food, it was great.

We then went up to the room we had for the night, where Sébastien had set up a bubble bath and a bottle of champagne. Needless to say, we had sex session number three. Haha, we were like fucking rabbits today.

Although we had originally planned to spend the night at the suite, I wanted to walk Vegas BLVD, but it was too windy, so we decided to take a drive. We strolled up and down the heavily congested BLVD twice before we decided we wanted to go home.

By the time we got home, we were pretty fricken exhausted. But we went at it a few more times before Sébastien finally collapsed on the bed and fell asleep. Lol we started the day at 7 in the morning, and it’s 4 in the morning the next day.

It’s so crazy. Urgh.

There's nothing really exciting about my life, so I haven't been posting on LJ. I figured I'd pop my head in and say I was alive, and that Sebbie and I are doing well.

Urgh, work, school, work, school...

Life suuucks

So I had a bad fucking day today.

First off, I wasn’t at Sébastien’s apartment when I woke up, which immediately deprived me of my morning cheer and my morning affection. Then I realized that the phone had rang seven times in a row consecutively at 7:30 in the morning, and had woken me up. Of course I was feeling foul and livid. If you call someone the first three times and they do not pick up, take a fucking hint, right?

But no, my father couldn’t take a fucking hint and had decided to call nonstop until I picked up. When I did pick up, he started ranting and raving about why I was moving again when I had just moved into my last apartment.

I couldn’t tell him that the current love of my life (which happens to be male) had asked me to move in with him, and that I had said yes. So I had to make up some bullshit on the spot about it being closer to school and work, and that I simply liked it over there better.

I’m old enough to make my own fucking decisions on where to live right? Err… in anycase, my foul mood must’ve rubbed off on Sébastien because during the entire moving process I was being a sarcastic prick and making overly snide comments about everything in general. And because I was so tired, I was of lousy help during the actual moving process, so we got very little done. Poor Sébastien knew I was in a bad mood and didn’t attempt his normal routine of teasing, poking, and prodding. But come to think of it, I could’ve used some of that to chase away the nastiness in my head.

Tomorrow’s the big day where we’re supposed to finish moving. Work and moving, plus the lack of sleep is kicking my ass so hard.

I'm going to be spending pretty much the entire day with Seb today, we're going out for sushi! and then he said he has a surprise for me, I'm excited. I want him to come home from work NOW.

So today was a rather emotional day for me, filled with stress and anxiety. I’ve continually felt horrible and guilty about not telling my closest friends about how I am currently with Sébastien… mainly because I felt like I was treating him as some sort of embarrassment that I needed to keep hidden in my life. Of course I also wanted to tell my friends about Sébastien because that would be telling them about an integral piece of me and my life at this point. As friends they have the right to know… after all, aren’t friendships and relationships based on trust?

I didn’t have the courage to tell all my friends, but I did come out of the closet today and tell my best friend Christina. She’s always been so supportive of me; I’ve always felt such a huge load of guilt on my shoulders, not being able to be truthful to her.

I told Christina to meet me at Mix inside the Mandalay, and I took Sébastien with me. I wanted him to be there so I didn’t lose the courage to speak my heart and also because I wanted to introduce Sébastien to my best friend.

When I told Christina that Sébastien was my boyfriend, she didn’t believe me at first and kind of laughed it off as a good joke. Perhaps it was the alcohol that I was drinking; I can’t really explain why I did what I did… I kind of… made out with Sébastien in the middle of the huge nightclub/lounge to prove my point.

It was pretty amusing, Christina’s jaw dropped to the floor and she was like…”Oh… so you’re not kidding,” and I told her I wasn’t. Thankfully she was perfectly fine with my preference towards men, and she told me that nothing had changed in our relationship. She and Sébastien got along really well, which made my night so much better and easier.

She kept on saying stupid things like, “so that’s why you’ve never had a girlfriend,” and pretty much interrogated us throughout the night. How we met, if we had sex, who else knew, etc, etc. She also promised to keep my secret, and I trust her.

I was a little bit tipsy, so Sébastien drove us home. He had this huge grin plastered all over his face as if he’d passed some sort of rite of passage. I guess in a way he felt like he was legitimately my boyfriend now. It broke my heart to see him so happy; it hurt me to think that my cowardice had caused him so much discomfort.

I fricken sobbed all the way home, not because I was sad, but because I felt so relieved. Fucking God, I felt so free, I felt as if the world had been lifted off my shoulders. He had to piggy back me into his apartment, because I couldn’t control myself. He kept on saying everything was okay, and for the first time in a long time, I believed those words.

It was okay.

I took me a while to calm down, and like some crazy animal, I kind of threw myself at him. He’s so beautiful, in every way shape and form. I love my dorky little puppy. There, I think that’s the first time I said it. I know it was the first time I told him those exact words. He looked so damn pleased with himself and so smug, I felt sort of giddy in a way.

Sex has never felt so good. Haha. I think I wore him out, and God knows I’m fucking sore all over. Mhmn, I didn’t want to stop.

He’s sleeping right now, but I couldn’t stay in bed for some reason. I have trouble going to sleep when I drink, even though the alcohol has long worn off. Tonight I really felt genuinely for the first time that I make Sébastien happy. It’s not just some one way road.

The past few days have certainly been entertaining and distracting. After working ridiculous hours, I finally got some time off from work and enjoyed the last of it yesterday. I wanted to thank mystic_fate19 and tarin_romonova for keeping me company and keeping me amused for the past two days.

And for all of those who have gotten addicted to reports on how my puppy is fairing, Sébastien is doing fine. He’s a bit peeved that I’m glued onto the computer now that I’ve taken an active part in Dusk, but he’s coping with the lack of attention very well.

He doesn’t realize how much of a distraction he is. Just walking around in briefs is a very good and prime example of said distraction.

He doesn’t have work on Sunday, and I don’t have work either. We decided just to lounge around the house tomorrow and just be lazy together. Eh, anyways, I just got off work so I’m going to head to bed.

Mr. Tarin, I’m going to thoroughly bother you tomorrow, so I hope you can cope with that.

Cloverfield was absolutely amazing. For those of you who are more sensitive to 9/11 related depictions and films, I recommend you don’t watch the movie. Mhmn, I loved it.

So I guess there are a lot of RPers on livejournal. I'm looking for something that's forum based since I'm up a weird hours of the day and can't stay on for long enough periods to sit on MSN or AOL/ICQ chats to RP.

When I was in middleschool and highschool I used to RP on AOL chatrooms all the time (that's before AOL chatroom RP quality went down the drain. A lot of the RP around seems to surround a specific anime, but I don't really watch a whole lot of anime these days.

I'll do anything really as long as the forum allows original characters and aren't too strictly cannon based (I'm not a huge otaku that keeps up with everything about a particular series with the minor exception with anything related to final fantasy 7). I'm even up for some MSN or AOL chat RP as long as the person I'm doing it with is flexible on the time and realizes that I can't be around 24/7.

Mhmn, so anyone have any good forums they can show me or want to give RPing a shot? I've been itching to do some sort of writing, but sometimes sitting down and writing fanfiction is too onesided and not quite as thrilling as interaction with another person.

my MSN name is (haydenyune@live.com)